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An Ode to Newman’s Own Pineapple Salsa | Mallory Battista

An Ode to Newman’s Own Pineapple Salsa

Over a decade now, since we first met

And you are still the salsa by which all other salsas are judged.

No other can compare. Sure, other salsas are delicious

And I have eaten plenty. In fact, I like most of them

But none as much as you.


I still remember my first jar, opened in my first apartment,

A bag of chips, two cats, and me on the couch.

Dreams of finding the right job or my one true love,

But I got lucky and found you.

I almost ate the whole jar myself in one sitting.


But you are so hard to find, a hidden treasure. For years

You were only at a few stores, then one, now none.

Thank you internet! If I do find you on a shelf by some miracle

I have to buy all but a few, leaving behind a couple jars

In case another devotee comes searching.


Why have you not met the fame you deserve?

Peach and mango don’t come close and yet they dominate.

I try to spread the word, sharing your awesomeness whenever I can

And everyone loves you, just not as much as I do,

Not enough to seek you out.


With this great love you’ve sparked in me

There comes a certain fear. Each jar I open might

Be the last. So many meals have been made better by you

Being there. If I can’t find you again someday

Will I even be able to remember how you tasted?

Posted by Mallory on March 13, 2017